Week 8 doesn’t just mark the unofficial midway point of the 2021 NFL season (darn you, 17-game schedule!). It also marks Halloween weekend! In the spirit of the season, we decided to review all 32 teams as Oct. 31 approaches, classifying each one as a contender or pretender — a trick or a treat, to be precise. And not just that, but we’ve also compared each team to a Halloween candy! How cute, right?
Anyway, let’s get right to it, you ghouls and goblins:
Arizona Cardinals
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Pop Rocks
They are just too darn explosive. Every time you think you’ve got them pinned down, they remind you of their firepower. From Kyler Murray to DeAndre Hopkins to Zach Ertz, they’re like the Chiefs of years past in terms of pure offensive weaponry.
Atlanta Falcons
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Airheads
No one really cares about them anymore. Matt Ryan is playing well, actually, but they need much more help before they can contend.
Baltimore Ravens
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Snickers
Nothing wakes you up more than seeing Lamar Jackson with the ball in his hands.
Buffalo Bills
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Kit Kat
They go long, and they deliver. Josh Allen’s electricity is a tad overlooked because of the amount of other MVP-caliber QBs right now.
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Carolina Panthers
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Razzles
They were kinda cool to start, but now that they’ve had time to settle, they’re mushy and tasteless. Sam Darnold, you fooled us all.
Chicago Bears
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Bag of pretzels
So, so dry. What is there to be excited about here, besides their old, banged-up pass rush? You can bet Allen Robinson is salty.
Cincinnati Bengals
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Junior Mints
Surprisingly potent, they’re the product of a perfect match: chocolate and mint — er, Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase.
Cleveland Browns
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Crunch
They’ve got the right stuff, but their foundational pieces are all crunchy and brittle. Baker Mayfield needs his backfield (and himself) healthy to keep this team rolling down the stretch.
Dallas Cowboys
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: 100 Grand
Expensive and chock-full of talent despite their poor history among the elites, the Cowboys have the weapons — between Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Elliott, CeeDee Lamb and Amari Cooper — to challenge just about anyone.
Denver Broncos
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Tootsie Rolls
Not bad if you can dig a plain, old-school, uninventive approach, but a foundational trio of Vic Fangio, Pat Shurmur and Teddy Bridgewater was always going to be passable, and nothing more.
Detroit Lions
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Hershey’s bar
So predictable (and therefore hardly a winner), but you also always know what you’re gonna get with Dan Campbell: a fight.
Green Bay Packers
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Reese’s Pieces
Like the peanut butter candies masked in brown, orange and yellow, Aaron Rodgers‘ Packers uniform may not mark his true identity as a lone warrior, destined to own or split from Green Bay, but boy is the combo working.
Houston Texans
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Hard candies
What are they doing here? Tyrod Taylor? Danny Amendola? David Johnson? What is this, a generation ago?
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Krackel
Brittle and crunched up at first, they seem to have hit a sweet spot, with Carson Wentz feeling more like himself and the defense starting to turn it on.
Jacksonville Jaguars
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Bag of peanuts
You’ll find ’em at the bar, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t dry and salty and usually left over from years ago.
Kansas City Chiefs
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Nerds
All flash, little oomph. With Patrick Mahomes, they’re always as frenetic as a sugared-up kid, for better or worse. Their offense is never not colorful, but forced to carry the whole burden, it finally seems a little less imposing.
Las Vegas Raiders
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Heath bar
Solid now, they’re never remembered by the end of the season. Look, Derek Carr has been great, and they know how to play tough, but we’re just a bit skeptical they’ve got what it takes to hang with the big dogs down the stretch. Prove us wrong!
Los Angeles Chargers
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Smarties
Brandon Staley is a whizkid, even if their defense has slipped up at times. So is Justin Herbert, who’ll keep them going all year.
Los Angeles Rams
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: PayDay
Between Matthew Stafford and Cooper Kupp and Robert Woods and DeSean Jackson, the Rams are like an assembly of rock-solid pieces atop the sweet foundational glaze that is Sean McVay.
Miami Dolphins
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Orbit gum
Because they’re living in a different world — one in which the QB they just drafted No. 5 overall is not their QB at all.
Minnesota Vikings
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Tootsie Pop
Very competitive, especially with Kirk Cousins slinging it well and Justin Jefferson popping off, but by the end, the stage is always a touch too big for them.
New England Patriots
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Whoppers
Their reputation and name recognition is starting to outweigh their value. Yes, Bill Belichick may have something in Mac Jones, but they still feel a year or two away from a fuller revitalization.
New Orleans Saints
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Wax bottles
Once you get past the limitations of the offense they’ve built, there’s quite a bit of juice inside, with Jameis Winston faring well post-Drew Brees and the defense bringing the energy.
New York Giants
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Warheads
Joe Judge is the tough guy, but their fight rarely lasts. Daniel Jones has actually been solid for most of the year, but he doesn’t have the supporting cast or staff to do much.
New York Jets
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Circus Peanuts
Gross! Tasteless! Somebody get the guy who constructed this team on the line, because it’s still a circus. Zach Wilson is quickly on track to become Sam Darnold 2.0.
Philadelphia Eagles
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Dum Dums
What are they doing we haven’t seen before? Nick Sirianni and Jalen Hurts are good, bright people, but their team-up on the field has been thoroughly uninspiring.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Old-fashioned molasses candy
Big Ben is old.
San Francisco 49ers
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Cadbury Eggs
Much like the eggs making their business on Easter, the 49ers have a coach who gets a lot of buzz for delivering just one season.
Seattle Seahawks
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Skittles
Russell Wilson always keeps them colorful, but they’ve also become so predictable in how they operate on both sides of the ball.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
An old classic with an eternal touch, Bruce Arians, Tom Brady and the Buccaneers are silky smooth when they need to be.
Tennessee Titans
Trick or Treat: Treat
Candy comparison: Butterfinger
Crisp and powerful, they just might ride Derrick Henry all the way to an AFC South title.
Washington Football Team
Trick or Treat: Trick
Candy comparison: Almond Joy
They’ve got some nice ingredients, starting with a veteran coach and promising defenders, but too often their fill-in quarterback, Taylor Heinicke, gets nutty in crunch time.
